Where It Begins

Robert Frost (1874–1963).  Mountain Interval.  1920.

1. The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;         5 Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,         10 And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.         15 I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.         20

This poem really relays how I feel about our son's autism diagnosis.  Struggling everyday to choose the right path for Sam.  It's mild...PDD-NOS..(pervasive developmental disorder-not otherwise specified).  I hate it, because I don't think of our beautiful boy as having a disorder and so I live on an emotional roller coaster of ambivalent thinking.  He is SO happy and I know that the future will be and IS so bright for him.  It is so hard to let go of what I thought his childhood was going to be and to embrace a different childhood and life for my Sam.  I still struggle to find real acceptance with this. I don't want him to struggle.
Medicaid makes me feel helpless sometimes..how can they be so ignorant to autism?  It isn't a new issue but yet therapies that have been proven to work aren't even recognized by medicaid, specifically ABA therapy (Applied Behavioral Analysis) It's far from not right.

So onto my good things in the day today;
Sam stacked blocks..all on his own!  Tears welled up in my eyes and I looked at Jonny (my Husband) and he looked back at me with that all too familiar happy and proud expression.. and I gave Sam the biggest hug.  We both let out "I'm so proud of you my Sam" We are both SO proud of our smart boy.  He is exactly 2 years and 6 months old by the way.  He has big blue eyes & dimples that he gets from his Mama, stubbornness from us both and pure happiness from within.

Lets make it clear now at the beginning of whatever this is... Sam is my reason for happiness, my reason for living and I am grateful to have him, lucky that God chose to give us this amazing and perfect little boy to love and take care of.  I will rant and rave, I will complain, I will express anger, ambivalence and disdain for this wild thing of Autism.  But in spite of all of that I LOVE my son, my top priority is his happiness.  This blog is meant to help comfort the loneliness I feel because of autism and to embrace all the good things I have in my life.
Autismspeaks.org 100 day kit
Autism Support Groups in Texas
PDD-NOS
What is ABA?